Frenemies??

I don't understand people. At all. They applaud that I have given up everything to take care of my parents yet they don't like the way that I am doing it - and tell me, often.
They don't like the way I run MY life. Emphasis on MY.
Have I made mistakes? AbsoFUCKINGlutely.
But at least I am not judging you for your mistakes whereas I get it every goddamn day and I am sick of it. If you don't talk to me regularly then you don't know what you talk about. You don't know shit about what I am going through and, frankly, you obviously don't care.
Fuck off and quit pretending you care.
Dorothy

Fuck....

Having not taken a Xanax in two days I remembered VIVIDLY why I must take them.
My brain doesn't turn off anymore and I am left thinking about zucchini blossoms until it races onto the next subject.

Dear Glenn Beck...

You and I need to talk Sir.


And, really, I mean no disrespect but there are some things of which you need to be aware.


Please quit YELLING AT ME. If I chose to watch your program then that is my choice. If my 90 year old, hard of hearing father choses to watch your program then that is his choice. However, you come on at 4:00 my time when I chose to watch Oprah who talks about, at worst, driving while using a cell phone - her stressing me over this I can handle you telling me THAT OBAMA IS RUINING THE COUNTRY AND BUY GOLD BUY GOLD BUY GOLD is stress that I can not handle.


Seriously, I can not handle it.


See, unlike you, my father lived through the Great Depression and he has ALWAYS told me to have a little bit of Gold hid away so I can go buy a loaf of bread when the currency fails (yes, we are an upbeat family thankyouverymuch). But now he has you and, not only does he count how many Gold commercials are on during your program, (I believe it was 8 the other day) but he then wants to discuss with me how we must GO BUY GOLD NOW BEFORE THE CURRENCY FAILS. NOW. QUICK. DRIVE ME DOROTHY NOW. Never mind that I don't have the money for said Gold (because as Natalie Green taught me on Facts of Life the symbol for Gold is "A.U. stole my Gold watch").


I even understand your writing of books. You are a millionaire and have nothing better to do but write books and scare old people WHILE YELLING AT THEM. Oddly, I am busy taking care of one of the ones that you scare to death while I am searching desperately for a stress pill for him and a Xanax for me.


I honestly must admit that I don't know your position on abortion or crime or anything but GOLD and YELLING as I have never intentionally watched your show.


However I do understand that you like Capitalism. As do I. I think it is a great thing. It has made you millions while scaring the shit (literally) out of people.


Here is where I get a little fuzzy and most Conservatives can't answer me. I can think of NOTHING (see I can yell also Mr. Beck) more Capitalistic than a female selling her body - her "God" given gifts for some money - hell I could be a high end prostitute and only accept Gold. But I am sure that you would have a problem with that as it would be immoral and wrong. I disagree. It is capitalism at its finest. Its most pure. I would simply sell (or lease) what I already have - for Gold of course.


Which, I am sure leads us into the abortion debate. I imagine (and like I said I have never intentionally watched your show nor have I read your books BECAUSE OF THE YELLING AND MY STRESS LEVEL DUE TO TAKING CARE OF A 90 YEAR OLD WHO WANTS ME TO BUY GOLD).
I am sure you are pro-life. As am I. Because, really, life? Who can argue? Go life!! Life Rocks!


However, unlike you, I am also pro-choice whereas you are anti-choice. You trust me to have a child, raise it, buy it enough gold for when OBAMA RUINS THIS COUNTRY but yet you don't trust me to decide that I am not physically/emotionally/mentally capable to have said child? Hmmm. That seems odd.


Shouldn't we get the government THAT OBAMA IS RUINING out of our lives and, therefore, out of my uterus?


Shouldn't I be intelligent to decide that I don't have the money to raise a child unless I want it to turn out to be one of those A.U. stole my Gold watch?


I have more brains than that Mr. Beck and, obviously you do also.


You have made millions scaring people because you YELL at them. I take care of one that you have scared and now he takes stress pills, oh and A.U. someone DID steal my GOLD charm bracelet which I would replace but what with your 8 commercials per hour for gold I can't afford it.


I will make a deal with you. I will run your show for an hour (where we will talk about rainbows and puppies and unicorns and nice happy things) and you can come yell at my father about BUYING GOLD NOW and you can take him and even pay for it. I'll trust you - for an hour - with my father, the person that I love most in this world even though you don't trust me with my uterus.


Sincerely,
Dorothy Mayer

Who let the dogs out???

Fucking I do. All day and all night.
Dear my little 4 legged wonder Mitey [who I willingly and happily took into my home because you were so pathetic and laid on my boob (which oddly has gotten me two dogs that specific way) and looked at me with those EYES]:

But who will feed me?? Look at my EYES lady. I laid on your boob. I NEEDED someone as pathetic as you to adopt me.

I love you. Love you as only a single unmarried spinster crazy dog lady in waiting can. But Dude we have to talk. Or bark. .
I understand it must be hard being a dog what with the no opposable thumbs, who is going to feed me, can I, in fact, lick my balls all day and all the sleeping. Sleeping in the morning. Sleeping at night. Sleeping in the car. But here is the deal. One of us (Me - the owner - the Alpha dog.) likes to sleep at night. Preferably through the night. But you aren't tired at night. I wonder why? Hmmm.

I sleep like this because I have no fear, and I am a vicious pitt bull.

Or sleep on people:

There is a dent on my forehead. I am not sure why.

I am aware this is not an attractive picture of me but the dog? Is totally asleep.

Hi Grandpa. I sure am tired during the day what with keeping my Mama up all night.

I am also aware that you have separation anxiety as evidenced by the fact that:

a) Grandma who protected you left this house and NEVER came home and she protected you from me when I must beat you daily.

b) when Grandpa goes on walks you CRY because what if he LEFT you.

c) you shit in the house when we leave you. Inside. For two hours twice a week when we go to eat. What if they don't come back? Who will feed me? Who will play with me? Opposable thumbs? HELP.

d) they are currently people working on our street and if you go up there and look cute maybe they will feed you or you can steal yet another of their sandwiches (twice now).

But, really, you are a dog. Can't I get like 6 hours of sleep at night at one time?

Love,

your adoring Mama.

Yes, thank God I don't have a standard.

The answers to all of Pop's questions...

1. It is too hot to go outside.
2. No the mail is not here yet.
3. Yes I paid that bill.
4. Yes your zipper is down.
5. Yes this is how I drive - you weren't around to teach me.
6. Yes I know smoking is going to kill me. Do you know that worrying about it is going to kill you?
7. No, I don't want to discuss Glenn Beck.
8. Yes I argue. A lot. It is because I am JUST LIKE YOU.
9. Yes I can hear you.
10. Yes they can hear you.
11. Yes I know that is still there. I have something to do with it and when you move it I lose it and it doesn't get done.
12. Yes I know I have too many clothes but you wear all of my Polo shirts so quit your bitching.
13. No I am probably not getting married.
14. Yes I enjoy trashy television.
15. BECAUSE THAT IS THE WAY THAT MAMA DID IT.

I love you. Always.

Stop, Collaborate and Listen...

Pop is a good man. Really he is. So when our car (read his) was for sale and my friend came to visit with her two small children. He gave her the car with the understanding that she would pay us back and y'all can imagine the rest of the story. Yesterday, the car was wrecked. Totalled. And although he had signed the title over to her she didn't have enough money to put it in her name yet and so I guess it was wrecked in our name.
This is a good friend and I am sure she is telling the truth when she says that she explained to the police the whole story but Pop, being Pop, is worried about this to no end. He is sure, no positive, that the person who was hit (or maybe did the hitting as I don't know) is going to go after him (meaning us) for everything since the car was technically still in his name.
After hearing this for three hours - literally - I looked at that 90 year old man and actually said "Stop, collaborate and listen."
And then when we came home I gave him a stress pill.
P.S. I don't think he knows who Vanilla Ice is and thankfully he will never find out because that man's (Vanilla Ice's, not Pop's) eyebrows alone would do him in).

Check out the shaved lines in his eyebrows.

Frustrated...

I don't know how to fully explain how my world changed when my Mama died. I was ruined. Devastated. Ready to commit suicide. Really. Had planned it out. I told some friends how depressed I was - although they knew it already. I know that people have lost children and keep going ( but I barely kept going. Only and only because of Pop did I get out of bed everyday and, as I call it, "played the game." It was really great when a "friend" suggested she would load the gun for me herself. Thanks bitch.

It seems so easy for people to judge me and what I have done but none of these people have walked in my shoes. No one I know has lost their Mama and then automatically had to be in charge of a 90 year old man. I don't think anyone ever will.

So I have to decide whether I care what people think or whether I know I am doing the best that I can and, oddly for me, that is a hard decision as I normally don't care what people think.