I don't know how to fully explain how my world changed when my Mama died. I was ruined. Devastated. Ready to commit suicide. Really. Had planned it out. I told some friends how depressed I was - although they knew it already. I know that people have lost children and keep going ( but I barely kept going. Only and only because of Pop did I get out of bed everyday and, as I call it, "played the game." It was really great when a "friend" suggested she would load the gun for me herself. Thanks bitch.
It seems so easy for people to judge me and what I have done but none of these people have walked in my shoes. No one I know has lost their Mama and then automatically had to be in charge of a 90 year old man. I don't think anyone ever will.
So I have to decide whether I care what people think or whether I know I am doing the best that I can and, oddly for me, that is a hard decision as I normally don't care what people think.
It seems so easy for people to judge me and what I have done but none of these people have walked in my shoes. No one I know has lost their Mama and then automatically had to be in charge of a 90 year old man. I don't think anyone ever will.
So I have to decide whether I care what people think or whether I know I am doing the best that I can and, oddly for me, that is a hard decision as I normally don't care what people think.
